Thursday, October 23, 2008

Stream of Consciousness

When looking through the documents on my computer, I found this stream of consciousness that I wrote sophomore year of high school. About three pages in, I found some interesting thoughts I didn't realize I had back then.


"I like to make people think
To reconsider
To open their minds
And imagine
No one should ever understand something the first time they see it
Or hear it
Or feel it
Everything should be molded in our minds
And made to be scrutinized under strict consideration
Before being decided upon
Everything
And even then there should be no answer
Nothing in the world is right
But plenty of it is wrong
What am I looking forward to in the world?
To everything
To the far future
And the near
Mostly the far because it holds so much
But also the near
Ages sixteen and seventeen should be the best years of your life
A time with freedoms and tastes of adulthood
But the knowledge that no matter what you do
You cannot be charged as an adult
You are still a kid
You can still be a kid
Adults can’t be kids
Plenty have tried
They’ve either been committed or charged as pedophiles
Some of my greatest heroes among them
The world is disgusting
It’s barbaric
Simple innocence is a greater crime than murder
Well, I suppose it makes sense
Murder is concrete
There is no question about murder
Death is final
When someone dies they are gone
When someone dies it’s the end
If someone questions authority
Or acts in a different way
We don’t know what to do about it
We don’t know what’s happening
Are they telling the truth?
Seeking attention?
Is there an unseen motive?
When someone acts differently
We must question them
And we must condemn them
Lest it lead to the worst"

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

La Vie Boheme

Perhaps it should concern me that my last two blogs have begun with musical song titles....are the fads done yet so I can come out of the closet as a RENT fan and not be targeted as a teeny-bopper?

To days of INSPIRATION,
Playing HOOKY, making something
Out of nothing,
THE NEED TO EXPRESS
to communicate,
To going against the grain,
GOING INSANE,
GOING MAD

To loving tension, no pension
TO MORE THAN ONE DIMENSION,
To starving for attention,
HATING CONVENTION, HATING PRETENSION,
Not to mention, of course,
HATING DEAR OLD MOM AND DAD

To riding your bike
Midday past the three piece suits
TO FRUITS, TO NO ABSOLUTES
To ABSOLUT, to CHOICE
To the Village Voice
To any passing fad

TO BEING AN US, FOR ONCE,
INSTEAD OF A THEM

To HAND-CRAFTED BEERS made in local breweries
To YOGA, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to CURRY Vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros, and Maya Angelou


EMOTION, DEVOTION, to CAUSING A COMMOTION,
CREATION, Vacation


MUCHO MASTURBATION

COMPASSION, to FASHION, to PASSION
WHEN IT'S NEW

To Sontag

To SONDHEIM

To ANYTHING TABOO


To GINSBERG
DYLAN
CUNNINGHAM
and CAGE


LENNY BRUCE
LANGSTON HUGHES


TO THE STAGE
To UTA
To
BUDDHA
PABLO NERUDA
too

Why Dorothy and Toto went OVER THE RAINBOW
To BLOW OFF Auntie Em


Bisexuals, TRISEXUALS, HOMOSAPIENS,
Carcinogens, HALLUCINOGENS, MEN,
Pee Wee Herman
GERMAN WINE, turpentine, GERTRUDE STEIN
ANTONIONI, BERTOLUCCI, KUROSAWA
CARMINA BURANA

To APATHY, to ENTROPY, to empathy, ECSTASY
VACALV HAVEL, THE SEX PISTOLS, 8BC
To NO SHAME, NEVER PLAYING THE FAME GAME


TO MARIJUANA

To SODOMY
It's BETWEEN GOD and ME


To S&M

To DANCE

No way to make a living, MASOCHISM, pain, PERFECTION
Muscle SPASMS, chiropractors, short-careers, eating disorders


To FILM
ADVENTURE, Tedium. NO FAMILY, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money,
Hollywood and sleaze!


To MUSIC
FOOD OF LOVE, EMOTION, mathematics, ISOLATION,
Rhythm, POWER, feeling, harmony, and heavy competition


To ANARCHY

REVOLUTION, JUSTICE, SCREAMING for SOLUTIONS,
FORCING CHANGES, RISK, and DANGER,
MAKING NOISE and MAKING PLEAS


To FAGGOTS, LEZZIES, DYKES, CROSS DRESSERS too

To people living with
NOT DYING FROM
DISEASE


Let he among us WITHOUT SIN
Be the FIRST to CONDEMN


Anyone OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone ALIVE - with a SEX DRIVE
TEAR DOWN THE WALL
Aren't we all

THE OPPOSITE OF WAR ISN'T PEACE
IT'S CREATION

VIVA LA VIE BOHEME

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Totally Fucked

Scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst) how messed up am I romantically?

Response from proof of answer:
10. I'm an eleven.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Barricade

Sometimes the best things are hidden
It's those who we forget
overlook
doubt
who are harbingers of the welcome we crave
the welcome we thought was lost

Are you dead?
Or tragic-living with the dead inside?
Or are you alive?

The dead are inside
I'm tragic-living with them
But when I escape the barricade
to the outside
I'm alive

Let's get lost in the canyons
together
I'm only alive when I leave
the tragic-living with the dead
I'm only alive when I forget
and when I remember
what I forgot

We don't know what we know
so lets do what we do
Fuck control
Fuck reason
Fuck consequences
Fuck the tragic-living
We never cared what They thought
Why care what we think?
It's all a never-ending
string of theories
You'll get lost
Better to lose yourself
In passion
In love
In freedom
In life

Let's get lost in the canyons
I'm alive and ready

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Cranberries

Oh my life is changing everyday
in every possible way
And oh my dreams
it's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they'll come true
impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You’re what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
it's never quite as it seems
'cause you're a dream to me
Dream to me

Monday, October 6, 2008

Why is American society so opposed to Mormon polygamy when Americans practice polyamory almost incessantly? Seriously, at least the Mormons are committed to each other for life and they are well aware of the other people in the relationship.
I've written this story before
I've tread these roads
these roads to nowhere

The one here
Gets it all
With me every moment
He hears and sees all dimensions

In the end he gets the love
Maybe
Not
This time

Dare I walk the path once more?
Knowing how the story ends
Unhappily on both counts
Bereft of the accident
And disgusted with the dream
To ruin another wish
With spontaneity
That is true
But, really, is all wrong

Restraint
What is it?
Why?
How?

I know the roads
but I don't know where to go

Saturday, October 4, 2008

A Recent Dream

Sick.
It was sick.
How I didn't know
Didn't realize

The ring
was perfect.
Just as I imagined
(since it was my imagination)
Gladdah embellished
Emerald, gold, diamonds

Yet
Once in my hand
I realized
It was sick.
I hadn't chose
How did I get here?
Why didn't She care?

I told Him
Fear bubbling up
Like it always had
Astounded
That I could say
All I wanted to
Terrified
Of what he would do

Before the eruption
I leapt out
Onto the street
Where he was
Little he
My savior

A savior
Of a different sort
Dressed as a boy
His ginger hair
My hand
he took
The ring
was gone
We walked
We talked
He would always be there.



What are our dreams trying to tell us? It really perturbs me some mornings.