Radiant Cool Eyes

There a million things that I can't get over.

The fact that I'll never lie in his arms again, never kiss his lips again, never spend the night with him or even watch him write poetry.

One of the hardest things is that I don't know Southwestern without him. I never had a roommate to develop a close bond with. He was my close friend. Without him, Southwestern loses its magic.

Yet, whenever I think about how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that it's really over and that I've lost a sense of self...I think about my mom and how what she is going through/going to go through is a million times harder than this. I mean, try never knowing who you are without a person. To have gone through your formative years and the next thirty-five years of your life as a person that someone else wanted you to be. It makes my emotions so futile. I don't know how I'll begin to help my mom. This pain hurts so bad, how can it be a million times worse? I don't know that I would survive. I really don't. The tears, the heartache, the confusion, the disassociation...

Sometimes it helps to know that your problems aren't as bad as other ones in the world, but you never want the problems of someone you love to be worse than yours.